The quest to be positive

Oh boy, it is hard not to rip someone a new one when they mess up (even if it's only in your mind.)  I'm sad to admit that sometimes I'm really critical of others.  (I'm also pretty critical of myself, but that's for another day and another post.)  It is a complete and utter lack of charity.

For those who may be a bit confused by the word "charity" ... as I heard described by a teacher once, it is possible to perform "acts of charity" and have not one charitable thought or feeling of charity in relation to that act.  I undoubtedly believe that because I've experienced it.  I've done "charitable" things, yet for all of the wrong reasons.  Out of obligation, looking for recognition, quid pro quo, guilt, etc.

So think of charity as not so much WHAT you do, buy WHY you do it.

Which brings me to my topic for today.  After the last entry, I really wanted to work on being positive - and more specifically, NOT being negative.  Not criticizing, not complaining, not lowering my expectations.

So today I go into a public restroom and as I am washing my hands and getting ready to leave, the custodian is sweeping one of the stalls and saying how everyone had treated her so badly today.  I wanted more than anything to say something to her that would change her mood and outlook.  She clearly had had a stressful day and even physically looked as if she had the weight of the world on her shoulders.  I pointed out that she didn't deserve to be treated badly.  She did a wonderful job keeping that restroom clean (which she did) and that she should feel good about that in spite of what people said or did.  She agreed but still bemoaned her plight.  I thought to myself that she has triggered the negative treatment and that I had to redouble my efforts to help her feel positive instead of negative.  I told her to have a good rest of her day.  She said that she was off in 10 minutes and would be darn glad of it.  I agreed that it was good and told her to have a good evening.

I felt a little helpless in that situation, because I really had difficulty trying to figure out what I could say to counter the negativity that has clearly engulfed this woman.  Short of staying for a while and talking and trying to counsel her, I'm not sure what more I could've said.  I also felt her negativity starting to weigh on me!  Not good!

So I leave the building and head to my car.  Looking at my watch, it's just before 4 o'clock.  Boy, did I need a haircut!  And the place I go to get my hair cut closes at 5 p.m. I call the shop to see if I could still get in and am told that if I could get there by 4:30, I could get it done.  In my desperation, I decide to go for it, even though I would really be pushing it to get from downtown Atlanta to downtown Fayetteville. 

The thought crossed my mind that even if I get there by 4:30 (she had told me that they leave at 5) that whoever would get my haircut (I go to a beauty school to get my hair cut by a student) would have to stay past 5.  I have A LOT of hair and I needed a thorough haircut, not just a trim.  Sometimes the students aren't totally focused on customer service, often they are young and have a lot going on in their lives (boyfriends, kids, drama, etc.)  I hoped that I would not get a student that was anxious to get out for the day and rush to get done.

I squeeze in by 4:25 and pay for my cut.  The next student up is Hope.  She comes out, gives a cursory greeting and leads me to the shampoo bowl.  She does express that she was not happy that she gets the last ticket of the day at 4:30.  While she does a decent job on the shampoo (which, by the way, is my favorite part of getting my hair cut) ... she has strong hands, but not rough... she does lack enthusiasm.  She leads me to the chair and we discuss the cut.  Doing my best to be understanding (even though I'm the customer), we begin to converse.  She is a transfer student and does not like the school.  She doesn't like moving to Georgia - having come from the big city of Chicago, by way of Philly, to settle in Sharpsburg - a small town in the country.  What a culture shock, I'm sure!  She seems self-assured at first, but comes to rely on the instructor for some guidance.  She handles herself well with the scissors and her little pink tail comb (which, come to find out, is not permitted by the state board - so she gets corrected, much to her chagrin.) 

Since I'm pretty much stuck in the chair throughout the process, I crack wise, reassure her, compliment her, and project the idea that it is going to be the most amazing haircut.  I converse with the instructor and other students while they are there (they pretty much bailed right at 5.)  All the while, I am projecting a positive attitude about the haircut and the person executing it.

At 5:30, the cut is finished and you know what?  It is a pretty amazing haircut.  Hope did a great job and seemed a little more relaxed by the time it was finished.  I thanked her for staying way past her quitting time and she said no problem.  I also gave her the best tip I've ever given anyone there.

I don't know if I actually helped in any way to give this student a positive experience and maybe a little more confidence.  I don't know if she feels any better about her situation or not.

I do know that I felt better because I really overcame the feeling of a negative outcome based on the fear that the student would project a negative attitude and it would affect the outcome of the haircut.  And the ultimate outcome was excellent!  A testament to the power of positive thinking.